better
FAMILY
clothes calls
Negotiate your tween's budding
fashion sense with style.
by MAUREEN SHELLY photos KATHRYN GAMBLE
produced by MARY-BETH ROUSE styled by JEN MCDONALD
It seems like only yesterday
your little one mastered the art
of matching those cute little
bear tags on the Garanimals.
This morning, the kid shows up
for breakfast wearing jeans that
look like they were
shredded
by
a bear. A grizzly, perhaps.
Put down your mug of
French roast and repeat this
mantra: This is normal. And
it will pass.
Confrontations over what to
wear are nearly universal, even
with children as young as 9.
Preteens experiment with style
to try on different identities,
create a comfort zone, bond
with peers, and, yes, distance
themselves from their family’s
influence. So it’s important to
figure out what your wardrobe
nonnegotiables are (no rips, no
cleavage) before exclaiming in
horrified disbelief, “You’re
wearing that!?!”
Laura Kastner, an associate
professor of psychiatry at the
University of Washington and
coauthor of
Getting to Calm:
Cool-Headed Strategies for
Parenting Tweens and Teens
,
advises parents to get a sense
of the trends and try to
accommodate their tween’s
preferences within their
parameters. ‘You can determine
the norms by observing what’s
worn at school and talking to
other parents,” says Kastner, a
veteran mom with two kids in
college. “I’m leaving out media
because children are becoming
sexualized far too soon there,”
she adds.
But don’t get too worried
about that. When we polled
The Motherboard, our online
community of moms, we found
that the biggest complaint was
repetitive rather than
inappropriate outfits. Every day
it’s the same thing, Michigan
mom Ellen Beeman told us:
sweatshirt, jeans, sneakers.
“Kids get comfortable in a
uniform,” explains stylist Zoey
Washington of LITTLEbird
Style, who specializes in tween
fashions. She advises trying to
find variety within kids’ comfort
zones. Colored jeans, say, or
dressier sneakers. (Turn to
page 235
to see her solutions to
some real-life parent-child
clothing conflicts.)
And then there’s money to
consider. In researching
Getting
to Calm,
Kastner discovered
that the average teen doles out
the bulk of his or her spending
money on clothes, electronics,
and sports gear. Kastner
suggests that Mom and Dad
cover athletic equipment, shoes,
and special-occasion outfits.
After that, “a tween should get
by with $50 to $100 a month”
for everything else.
Families unaccustomed
to budgeting should beware
of overindulging their brood
with stylish clothes and
expensive brands. “Kids like
stuff, and parents like to make
their kids happy,” Kastner says.
“Saying‘no’ to ourselves and
our kids requires discipline.”
Parents need to appreciate
that it’s important to incur
disappointment now and
then in our children for later
benefit: to teach them delayed
gratification and to help them
learn the value of earning
one’s goodies.
themotherboard
a million women strong
W e asked our
online com m unity
of moms, The
M otherboard, for
advice on parent-
child clothing
conflicts. O ur
favorite tip: “Let
them be who
they are within
boundaries. Just
because I don’t like
a style, there may
not be anything
‘w rong’ with it. It’s
im portant to have
trust where it is
earned, and, by
the same token,
hold the child
accountable when
it’s necessary.”
232
SEPTEMBER 2010 BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
PLAID WOVEN SHIRT. THE CHILDREN’S PLACE, $17; THECHILDRENSPLACE.COM. CHEROKEE TANK, CLAESEN,$25; AT YOYAMART NYC, 212/242-5511
